Complicated
2026-09-17
Alternative MetalAlternative RockPost-Rock
About this track
Master Updated 09/17/2026 - Punch, Clarity and Harshness
Complicated isn't about my life today. It's about my life growing up. During this whole process I've talked about growing up without mirrors... Not literal wall mirrors but someone that reflects you back to yourself accurately. I don't natively understand social cues. I watch others have interactions and study them trying to understand the unspoken rules of engagement and if I can... great... if not, I mimic to look like I'm not autistic. It's called masking, it's extremely common across a lot of neurodiverse conditions. Masking makes me FEEL complicated and I never had to mask harder than at home. Constantly having to reconcile contradiction, especially around belonging. My father was never in the picture and my mom was not a bad person, let me make that clear. We just had fundamentally different ways of communication and that caused some serious conflict in me as a child, add to that our house was a way station for everyone else to "get back on their feet" and you have a real mess for a kid who literally needs routine to even begin to function. If you want to know more about that section of my life visit https://abrasivemonologues.com/projects/damages-a-deeper-invitation
Complicated isn't about my life today. It's about my life growing up. During this whole process I've talked about growing up without mirrors... Not literal wall mirrors but someone that reflects you back to yourself accurately. I don't natively understand social cues. I watch others have interactions and study them trying to understand the unspoken rules of engagement and if I can... great... if not, I mimic to look like I'm not autistic. It's called masking, it's extremely common across a lot of neurodiverse conditions. Masking makes me FEEL complicated and I never had to mask harder than at home. Constantly having to reconcile contradiction, especially around belonging. My father was never in the picture and my mom was not a bad person, let me make that clear. We just had fundamentally different ways of communication and that caused some serious conflict in me as a child, add to that our house was a way station for everyone else to "get back on their feet" and you have a real mess for a kid who literally needs routine to even begin to function. If you want to know more about that section of my life visit https://abrasivemonologues.com/projects/damages-a-deeper-invitation
Lyrics
I know I'm complicated
I know I don't understand
It's okay to walk away
I'll be here holding my hand
My fragments arguing
In my head again
My ears start ringing
As the silence pushes in
And I've grown
So used to the stitches weeping
Used to the quiet screaming
Used to the roaches crawling
On my skin while
I am sleeping
I know I'm complicated
I know it all too well
You've got a tell
That you're irritated
Sometimes I sit around
And I think to myself
Nature offered to kill me
But you wouldn't ring the bell
And I've grown
So used to the stitches weeping
Used to the quiet screaming
Used to the roaches crawling
On my skin while
I am sleeping
I waste a lot of my time
Wishing I was somewhere else
I waste a lot of my time
Wishing I was somewhere else
I spend a lot of my time
Wishing I was somewhere else
So used to the stitches weeping
So used to the stitches weeping
So used to the stitches weeping
I was never complicated
The quiet's ringing in my ears
Again
I was never complicated
The quiet's ringing in my ears
Again
I was never complicated
I was never complicated
And I've grown
So used to the stitches weeping
Used to the quiet screaming
Used to the roaches crawling
On my skin while
I am sleeping
I know I don't understand
It's okay to walk away
I'll be here holding my hand
My fragments arguing
In my head again
My ears start ringing
As the silence pushes in
And I've grown
So used to the stitches weeping
Used to the quiet screaming
Used to the roaches crawling
On my skin while
I am sleeping
I know I'm complicated
I know it all too well
You've got a tell
That you're irritated
Sometimes I sit around
And I think to myself
Nature offered to kill me
But you wouldn't ring the bell
And I've grown
So used to the stitches weeping
Used to the quiet screaming
Used to the roaches crawling
On my skin while
I am sleeping
I waste a lot of my time
Wishing I was somewhere else
I waste a lot of my time
Wishing I was somewhere else
I spend a lot of my time
Wishing I was somewhere else
So used to the stitches weeping
So used to the stitches weeping
So used to the stitches weeping
I was never complicated
The quiet's ringing in my ears
Again
I was never complicated
The quiet's ringing in my ears
Again
I was never complicated
I was never complicated
And I've grown
So used to the stitches weeping
Used to the quiet screaming
Used to the roaches crawling
On my skin while
I am sleeping